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Honey, I'm Home's Morning Mantra ~~ Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh NO, She's up!"

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A Most Unforgettable Dinner Party ~~

You have to know I would have a Christmas story for you, and it is completely true and authentic as all the rest of my family stories have been. It was my neighbor, Laura,  today that reminded me of this and said, “Jen, you really must blog this” so here I am and here’s the story:

Once upon a time, there was a Christmas when I was in my later teens and my mother decided to do her one and only dinner party.  It wasn’t even a large dinner party, but when you read what happened, you’ll understand why she said, “Never again”, and stuck by that.

So many of Mom’s friends had hosted these wonderful, and sometimes even lavish Christmas dinners for their friends. As the years went by, Mom got a case of the guilts and knew she really had to do the same. Mom had never had any kind of party at the house and so, understandably, she was very nervous.  She decided to make it a very, small dinner party for 8, and if it worked, she’d make it larger the following year.  She made lists, she planned, she made invitations, she plotted out the menu so that there would be no mistakes, and she made our family recipe for the best darn eggnog in the entire world.  Invitations were mailed and everyone rsvp’d with a yes.  Mom was smiling and thinking, “This is working out so easily; yes, I can do this”.

The night of the party arrived and Mom was looking like an absolute dream as she greeted the guests and showed them into the living room. She had set up a beautiful table with lots of gorgeous Christmassy bites to eat and a giant punch bowl full of the essence of nog to die for.  Our pets had been secured in another room so as not to sit up and beg for morsels. Everyone remarked how beautiful the house looked and how beautiful Mom was.  She was beaming. The guests all made their way to the eggnog and settled themselves into the sofas and chairs and conversation was sparkling. Mom was glowing and checking the progress of her giant standing rib roast and all the side dishes she’d done from scratch.  Yes, everything was timed perfectly.  Her last trip to the kitchen was to pull the roast out of the oven, platter it and set it on the dining room table to rest for the next 10 minutes before carving.  The dining room was bathed in candlelight and all of Mom’s best dishes were gleaming in readiness for the feast.  She went back to the kitchen to assemble the last of the meal and asked me to get something she needed from upstairs.  As I was getting ready to bring this back down to her, I heard this blood curdling yell and I almost fell down the steps trying to get to Mom.  There she was in the dining room, eyes almost rolling back into her head, as our cat had broken out of the secured room, smelled the roast, climbed a cabinet, and flown in mid-air to land right on top of that roast on the table.  He was growling, hissing, and fighting that piece of beef for all he was worth.  We saw him roll off the table with the roast still in his grip as the guests all ran to the room.  It was pure pandemonium!  The roast was ruined and Mom told Dad to head to the store and find something, ANYTHING, to feed everyone.  Off he went and returned with 2 packages of …….get ready…..hot dogs!  Mom was dying a thousand deaths but had no more choices.  Now, at this point, the guests are so good natured that they are laughing and saying they’ll never forget this evening, but, that wasn’t even to be the end.  Mom cooked the hot dogs and yes, put them on a platter in the hopes they’d look like a roast.  Everyone got their plates loaded with anything they could find and were still laughing over the situation, when all of a sudden, our Irish Setter comes barreling around the corner, into the dining room and skids right into the wall. The poor dog gave out a YELP and headed for the kitchen where once again he couldn’t make the corner and fell into a cabinet. He jumped up and ran towards the living room and smack dab into the TV and toppled it to the floor.  As we all ran to the living room, there was our dog, a crumpled mess in the Christmas tree and drunk on his hind end. It seems that while we were in the dining room, old Rusty had broken free after the cat did and he’d made his way around the living room drinking up all the eggnog.  Well, everyone stood there with their mouths open and in shock at this sight, but the next sound just topped the cake.  It was the retching sound of a dog getting ready to give all that eggnog back.  There is nothing to do but end this story here as all the guests decided it was a very good time to call it a night.  As for Mom?  There was never, ever another party in this house.  As for the dog? I never saw a worse hangover.  As for the cat? The next day, he still had pieces of that roast hidden in the oddest places and you could hear the faint, rumbling sound of growling if you happened near his territory.  

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  1. great story - but not so great for your mum at the time I guess. wow, pets are lovely, but not very good dinner party guests. lol

    Hope you have a wonderful Christmas Jenny and a brilliant new year to follow. hugs - Nita.

  2. This is a wonderful story Jenny. Everything was going great for your mom's dinner party and then Murphy's Law took effect.
    Merry Christmas to a very sweet lady. I hope it is a happy one for you!

  3. Holy Toledo!! What a story, Jenny. When I read that the cat had landed on the rib roast, I almost smiled, but the rest of the story not so much.

    Hey, you can come here and clean out my refrigerator anytime!!

    Merry Christmas! I love ya. ((hugs))

  4. Oh, and do you still make that eggnog? I don't drink anymore, but lately I've been thinkin' on it. :)

  5. Great story, especially the part about Rusty. You see, when I was single I had an Irish Setter named Roscoe. My place a regular animal house with a party going on nearly continuously and Roscoe had a talent for knocking a drink or a beer over so that he could lap it up off the floor.

  6. Great story, Jenny. What an awful thing for your Mother. You told it in such a way, it reminded me of Christmas vacation, so many things going wrong.
    I hope you ,Sam and Lucy have a happy Christmas.

  7. HAHAHA, please don't feel badly for my mother. At the moment it all happened, all of us were ready to hide in embarrassment for the rest of our days, but the NEXT day, we couldn't stop laughing about it. Usually Mom and I would remember this story every single year afterwards and no matter how many times we told it, we got a great belly laugh.

  8. I would never have a party again either.
    Great story.

  9. Wow! We just watched "The Christmas Story" yesterday and this reminds me of when the Bumpas's dogs ate the turkey they were preparing! LOL! My goodness...too terrible but an unstoppable read from start to finish!

  10. If I don't forget it, I'm gonna show this to my daughter when she gets in from AL tomorrow. Reminds me of a National Lampoon moment!It's the kind of thing that will have her in a giggle fit! So funny. Your poor,poor Mama!

    Merry Christmas! (By the way, I was afraid the problem with my kitten was what you said it was...she is training me..uh-oh..!!!!)

  11. I had to laugh . I m sure you both talked about this one for years to come. Priceless.
    Loved the story Jenny. Loved it. . It brought back memories for me when my Mom did the samething . Hosted big lavish parties. .Each friend took turns and they really had a wonderful time.
    I love to sit and watch all the adults and take mental notes. Too funny what kids do.
    Merry Christmas. Have a wonderful rest of the week.
    Jenny thanks for sharing also that it will get better. I have lost four in my family now and I dont have anymore words right now.
    Sleep well . Love you dearly my friend.

  12. Oh my gosh, I was howling...that is so funny! and I'm sure its funnier now than it was then! What a hoot! Did your dog ever recover?
    I had to share that with my husband who got a kick out of it...
    thank you and plenty of Christmas hugs your way!

  13. HILARIOUS!!!!!

  14. What a CAT-astrophe Jenny I can just picture the whole scene and looks like something from a Mark Sennet movie. I've just finished a blog about my grotty week,but it's not as funny as that,and my daughter has told me that her conservatory leaked under the weight of the snow and soaked the carpet, and she's hosting Christmas for the family.

  15. Jenny, this is the most hilarious story I have ever heard - and no one can tell them like you do. I loved it and needed it. Tuesday morning as I was running last minute errands and in the turning lane approaching the intersection - ka boom!! A car careened into the driver's side of my red Honda. Such a loud noise and a teenage girl got out, called someone on her cell phone - while I called the police. Right before the police arrived a woman walked up and talked to the girl in Spanish. The girl told me to tell the police NOT to come - they would pay me - Nope I said - more spanish from the woman - the girl said we need to move the cars - we might cause another wreck - another negative from me. The police arrived and to make an hour-long ordeal short - you guessed it - the lady claimed she was driving, not the girl. Neither had driver licenses, but I figure the woman was probably legal, while the girl prob was not.

    The girl finally told the truth and I was allowed to leave and creep home in my car, named Ruby Mae, which was totally embarrassed to look so battered. She does have her pride ! Anyway, it can be fixed and I didn't get hurt - so it could have been much worse.

    Keep telling those stories, Jenny dear, and have a wonderful Christmas!! I have a feeling you are going to have a fantastic 2111 ~~ (and I can't wait to hear all about it!!)

  16. Oh my GOSH, Dori, that was frightening! I am so relieved that you are ok! When I started reading what you said, I was leaning farther and farther into my screen and worrying like crazy! Good golly, a nightmare. You're right, it could have been much worse, but I know that horrendous feeling you get when the crash happens and then you see your car and then everything comes crashing down even though it wasn't your fault. Terrible. I'm glad Ruby Mae can be bandaged up and made like new, but still, like you said, she has her pride and she felt embarrassment for a bit. Poor girl. But YOU. Whew, I'm so glad you are all right! Now it's time to settle down, relax, prop up your feet, do NOTHING, and have that glass of wine with me. We'll clink our glasses to a better new year. Ready?

  17. I don't know where my first "clink" went. Must have dropped the glass and knocked it right off the page.

  18. Ha! CLINK! (Not you Rusty, you've had enough.)

  19. I hope you don't mind me putting a reply here my friend. Thanks so much for visiting my space...not just once but twice! Would you believe that music you mentioned is from a video game? LOL! You can find some amazing things on the Internet huh?

  20. Thanks for that Jenny, a wonderful story...and made me laugh and cry too, your poor Mother... After all that preparation...Just goes to show you can't prepare for every eventuality, Sheeesh!!
    Hot dogs eh?...Mmm..
    Happy Christmas you wonderful lady, I'm off to deck the halls, I always do it on Christmas Eve,
    take care and hugs to you and yours....xPenx
    (no flying away to exotic places....just a throwaway comment about me never having flown anywhere.xx)

  21. C L I N K - Jenny and you too Rusty, if you are still arround.

  22. I laughed and felt so badly for your poor mother at the same time. I am one of those who wants a party or even a meal to be just so..every i dotted, every t crossed. But with kitties and doggies, you never know!!! I have never quite had such a mishap as this hilarious one (in retrospect) but I have had a few with a former cat deeply loved member of the family now passed away, who helped herself to the platter of company breakfast bacon and eggs and she licked the butter on the toast too.

    Merry Christmas sweet friend. I'm so glad I know you.

  23. Jenny you are such a good story teller. lol

    Just stopping by to wish you a Very Merry Christmas! I am thankful to have you in my life. :) ((hugs))

  24. Hi Jenny

    Thank you for your visit and comment, it is great to know you too.
    Happy Christmas - hugs - Nita

  25. Guests who couldn't have enjoyed the situation wouldn't have been worth having. It seems your Mom chose well. I am not a pet person and if I were I know I would have been minus two pets the day had this been my party. It is funny how it is the worst experiences that are the most fun afterward. Nora Ephron said that her mother always told her and her sisters, "It will make a good story" in the midst of any woe and sure enough, all the girls became writers. So you see...