Psssst.....hey.....HEY!

Yeah. It takes me forever to soothe my own heart. Time is marching on and it's finally dawning on me that I can't stay in a hole forever. Not even one little part of the world has stopped with the death of anyone. I don't know if that's fair or not, but it's the way it is. Life goes on, like it or not. SO, I'm here and fat from overeating to plug that hole but it's ok. One foot is going in front of the other and that's a start. Now on to the news:

First, this might be just a tad on the morbid side, but it's a true, true, true story and happened in my own backyard last month. It seems I have this huge, blond hawk that lives close to me. Unfortunately, with all my feeding of the wildlife, he has chosen my backyard as his "all-you-can-eat" personal hunting ground. I have seen him sitting on the roof of my house, the roof of my car, and smack dab right in the middle of my backyard. Back to the story. The day I saw him land in the middle of the backyard, I tore out of the door and yelled at him to get away. He got away FAST and left a trail of feathers in his wake. So I turned around and got a pan of water to refill one of the birdbaths and when I passed by his landing spot, I saw the feathers. I thought, "Wow, I must have scared the beejeebers out of him", and bent down to touch the feathers. Not his. He'd killed one of my little sparrows; in fact, it was the one that always sat on my railing and bathed in a dish within 2 ft of me. I picked up his little body and just stood there for a minute cursing the hawk and then I cried. I buried the little sparrow under some bushes so he'd be left in peace. Now here's the amazing part and I swear on my life it's true. About 3 hours later, I was looking out of my upstairs window and all of a sudden this massive little cloud of sparrows came in for a landing. They covered the overhang on the roof where I was, and they covered the entire rim of the garage, AND they were on every inch of the fence. One bird made a very plaintive sound and the bird next to him lifted up and flew over to where the feathers were. He did not land, but instead he circled and circled the feathers as if in a spiral, high to low. Then he went back to his exact spot on the fence. The next bird in line did the same thing, and over and over and over they all took a turn spiral-circling the feathers on the ground. When the last bird did this and then took his exact spot back on the roof, the original bird made another plaintive sound and ALL of them rose up at the same time and left together. It was incredible. There was no doubt in my mind that I had just witnessed a "service" for their family member as they stay in their families and mate for life. Absolutely incredible and one for the books.

News #2: I have met someone. Well, sort of. Weirdest thing. I went over to Classmates to post about one of our dear friend's death, and while I was at it, I updated my profile pic but left it in black and white. I captioned it for mainly my female friends because they would get what I meant. I said, "It's a darn shame when the day comes that your photo looks better in black and white, lol". Two days later there's a message for me there. It said I didn't need to worry about how I looked. Now it works the same as any site, so I could click on that person. You know I did. And I'd never heard of him and he graduated 7 yrs before I did and from a totally different area. So I did what I'd been brought up to do and wrote a short thank you note and that's all. Two days later, another note from him. This time he's telling me how he landed on my part of Classmates and how his wife had died 2 yrs ago and that she was from my school. He gave her maiden name, and her brother's name, and I almost fainted. I may never have heard of him, but I sure did know his wife's family and the brother had been a friend of mine since elementary school. Whew, small world. So we start writing back and forth and the emails are becoming like novels. This went on every day for a month. Then all of a sudden he writes that he types with only 2 fingers and he's numb; that if I want to continue the conversation, I have to dial him. Smart, very smart. And even though I knew that was smart, I still sat there and looked at that part of the email for a good 10 minutes. Well, hell, I thought. Why not? It's only 1:30 in the morning, lol. I dialed, he picked up, no one said a word, just started laughing til it hurt. That phone call lasted until 8:30 that morning -- whew, a 7 hour call. Both of us had to switch phones from batteries dying. So that's how it started and it has stayed like that for another month. That's right -- I still haven't agreed to meet him face to face, lol. I'd like to say I'm taking it slow, but good lord. No, it's that I'm really nervous about it. Two reasons. One, the darn 30 lbs I gained (he says so what), and two, I'd promised myself 6 years ago that I wasn't going to ever date anyone again much less get involved (he says, yeah, but you don't know me yet). See? He's really playing those cards. I finally swallowed hard yesterday and asked if he wanted to go to an art show with me somewhere in the first 2 weeks of November. Mom's Bob is an artist and a gallery is doing a show for him in November. Well, he said YES. Why am I surprised. I almost thought he'd given up, but I guess not. Now I'm scared again. Sheesh, even typing about it is giving me the shakes. End of subject. I might get a heart attack.

News #3: You can’t keep a good cat down. Or off. Or down and off. There is just no such thing. This is especially true if you buy something new as I did today. On a whim of whims, I decided to do a quilt on my bed so off I went to Bed Bath and Beyond. I could live there, seriously. I came home, stripped off all the linens, put on clean sheets – because you MUST have clean sheets with a new quilt, right? Throughout the entire change I’m imploring my 2 cats to pleasssse get out of my way, as I trip over them on every walk from one side to the other of the bed. Finally, clean sheets, clean blanket, and a NEW quilt. Well, that was good for all of 3 seconds:

Own a cat? Then you can’t win.

Now that I’ve talked your ears off, I am going to sign off. Stop that, I can hear you cheering, “Tg she’s ending this”, lol. I really look forward to catching up with all of you and I’m going to start on major reading tomorrow...and that’s a promise.

XOXOXO from me to YOU

And The Beat Goes On...And on...and on...

Hi, all. I have no time to post except to let you know in short form what's happening.

Well, after my dear friend, Curtis, passed away (and by the way, today is his birthday), I lost 3 more friends here in my town. I had known and been very close with all of them, so that makes 4 in 3 months. Very rough. Than my neighbor across the street died and she's only 3 yrs older than I am. Her funeral was last Monday. To top it all off, last night I was working on another thing of my mother's that I found (and now have to redo her death taxes and also file for her for 2010, ugh) when the phone rang. It was my cousin, Alan, in Florida. The news was not good. He has colon cancer and is very, very sick. To make matters worse, someone has talked him into alternative approaches and he says he's not going to have the surgery. He says this guy who "used to be a doc" had actually left his practice to follow this route. Oh Lord. He's giving my cousin a song and dance about this perfect machine that makes water and that absolutely cures cancer and he has proof. Of course, the machine costs thousands of dollars. Are you and I surprised? Hell, no. My cousin is believing all this because that's what happens when people become desperate. He can't even sit for the pain. All he can do is lie down or stand. I wanted him to find someone to sell his house for him and for him to get on a plane and come here and stay with me. I would care for him and make sure he got to a hospital for surgery and treatments. He could live out the rest of his life, sick or well, here with me. He won't leave this quack of a doctor and he won't go back to the hospital for the surgery. He's only in Stage II now and he's wasting valuable time. He has been completely suckered. I have not given up on getting through to him. I've got all sorts of info lined up as I stayed up all night to track it down. That machine, no surprise, is a scam and there are law suits. I just hope he believes me when I drop all of this on him. I need to choose my words carefully so as not to push him away, but there's a good chance it will. I swear, this year is hard, hard, hard.

I miss you all and I miss keeping up. I haven't even dropped in anymore to see what's cookin'. Of course I guess you can see why. Geezy peezy, you don't want to live near me -- I'm starting to feel like a curse. Ok, can't stay online now. Still hoping to see you all soon. I know this is a trite statement, but I really do love you all. You are like family to me in your own way, each of you so, so special. You have to know that.

XOXOXO

Closing Out For A While

This is just a short message for all of you sweet blogging friends. I only now saw your comments to me about Curtis and I appreciate them so much. Curtis was the best man I ever knew in my entire life, but you've heard that from me already. The problem is, his death is really hitting me awfully hard and the first anniversary of Mom's death is in 8 days, too. It's just too much right now. I cannot for the life of me stop crying it hurts so badly. To lose my mother who was the dearest person of my life and then to lose Curtis who was truly my best friend (and I was his; not just blogging buddies by any means), well, I don't have the words to describe it. I feel lost and ripped apart. I pray and pray but it doesn't stop these torrential nonstop tears and it's eased nothing. The pain is horrible. I'm going to take a break from blogspot for a bit, no blogging, no visiting. It wouldn't be fair to myself in this state of mind or to you since I wouldn't be sincerely concentrating on your wonderful blogs. Please understand. I need to get away from all of this just for a while and try to recoup and regroup. I wrote my last letter to Curtis on his 3rd blog at blogspot called Hollywood and I hope his spirit sees it. And now I'm writing my last blog here (not for good, just for a time) and hope you see it. Please know that I love you all and feel as if we've been neighbors for a long, long time. You are all precious to me. I'll see you another day. As always, xoxoxo to all -----Jenny 9:53pm my time in Virginia

BAD BAD news......

Omg, I don't know how to tell you all this. I just found this out by accident when I went back over to Curtis' blog. Note that I had sent Heather and Ross an email to see if they knew what was going on with him. Curtis had made a deal with me to always let me know if he was going into the hospital. Tonight, as I was lying in bed thinking of him, a terrible feeling came over me and that's why I went to his blog. This is what was posted:

Anonymous said... Hello to all of Curtis' blogging friends. This message is from his friends Heather,Ross and Marina. We have been worrying about Curtis and have been unable to reach him. We went to his house earlier today and hate to inform you that Curtis has passed away. We do not know any details. We trust that Curtis is with Ellen now.Rest In Peace Our Dear Friend.
July 27, 2010 2:04 PM (manitoba time)

I cannot stop crying. Curtis and I had both said over 2 yrs ago that we were like a brother and sister to each other. We used to say the same thing at the same time and he'd say, "Omg, get out of my head". I can't imagine not talking to him anymore.
He was SO loved by all of us. I'm sorry, I have to post this and sign off. I can't even see for crying.
____________
I am adding to this post the email I just sent to Heather and Ross:

I just saw your post on Curtis's blog. I am devastated and can't stop crying. I knew something was so wrong and couldn't shake the feeling. Couldn't sleep tonight and got back up and went back to his blog and there was your note.

Heather and Ross, thank you so much for letting everyone know. I posted on my own blog so that others will see it, too. You know that once someone posts and then comments are left, usually the ppl that make the comments don't go back over there until they see a brand new post has been done. It was only by providence that I went back there tonight. Of course, I'd called him twice this evening, too, and got no answer, just the answering machine. By now I guess you've heard my disjointed messages to him.

I am sitting here and sobbing so hard that it's hard to see to type. I just can't believe this has happened and keep hoping that in the morning it will be a bad dream. Curtis told me over a year ago that he had put plans into place for the care of his 3 cats, etc., and that he had his finances and will made out so that family would be helped. I hope by now his beloved pets have had their meals and are curled up sleeping. They missed Ellen and now they have lost Curtis. Animals grieve, too, and this will be hard on them. If I was up there, I'd take care of everything for him myself, but I"m not. God, it really feels like I lost my brother. I can't imagine for a second not talking to him on the phone or writing back and forth. He was the best brother I could have ever hoped for in my life, and he was the best man I've ever known. The world was a better place because of him.

Let me know that his cats are ok because I know that's what he loved most in the world. And about the two of you? He's told me a million times how you are the best of the best and that he didn't know what he'd ever do without you. He's right, you really are.

I need to sign off. This is just so shocking and it's awful when there's nothing you can do to change anything or to fix anything. I loved him. I loved him as so many others did, but a little more because we were like twins. My brother.

Jenny